Life and money, they are 2 different things

Settling back into single, solitary life, I really am trying to convince myself to work on my finances. It's not as easy as it seems. For a few reasons..

First and foremost.. CHRISTMAS!
I love Christmas! I love decorating! I love food! I love presents!! Giving them that is. And I love, love, love, to spoil my girls. I love for them to have lots to open. I love to have bulging stockings over flowing with candy and goodies.

I love to shop for my friends! I love to find that one perfect gift. That thing that says to them 'yes I pay attention to who you are.' I love to have them over for get-togethers. I love to entertain and go to where I'm invited.

And I'm trying to balance these loves with my goals. But this year I'm reallllly not doing so hot.

Family circumstances... My Mother.
My mother is in a very expensive nursing home. And I need to move her, but I can't figure out how. Applying for Medicaid for her is so daunting and confusing. Add to that that she has dementia and I don't even know where most of her papers are. And if they were in a central location at one time, they aren't now because I've had to sell her house and move all her things into my house and everything is an upside down hickledy pickeldy  mess.

And advice is hard to come by... Good Advice that is.
So I sold my mom's house. So that should mean that a nearly 20 year investment should come to fruition. According to all the financial gurus that is. Dave Ramsey for instance...
But guess what?

She lost money. She bought it for 30 and only sold it for 35. 20 years and thousands upon thousands of dollars of improvements and upkeep. A 3 bedroom, turn of the century home with forced air heat and central air. 35. It makes me want to puke.

So exactly what is best for what to do with your money? How is a person to know what's best? Well there are a couple of things I'm learning...

• stuff is pretty worthless.

• Houses are just shelter and space to create a personal atmosphere in. It's not money or a 'sure thing' ask the thousands affected by the housing bubble. and me. So live cheaply and make it nice. Nice for you... personally. fill it with what you love and what speaks to your soul. 

• buy long term care insurance. Just do it. 

• stay out of debt. It's not honorable. And it's hard to get out of.  

• The one thing Dave Ramsey and I agree on totally is do not count on the government for your income in retirement. What do you count on? Invest of course. Other than that. I wish I knew. 

What I do know is that if you end up with dementia like my mom, none of it matters because you won't remember or understand any of it. Not where your money comes from, or where it's going. Not where your stuff is or what your stuff is. Not what an investment is or a percentage rate or why it matters. You'll be like Rainman... 'how much is a new car? About a hundred dollars. how much is a candy bar? About a hundred dollars.'

So heed my warning and buy the long term care. At least you'll be safe and cared for.

In the meantime, I'm working my way into more responsible living (morally and socially). I'm working on eliminating my debt, then reducing my bills, then reducing my housing expenses in order to move into a life that better fulfills my beliefs.

And someday I hope to be able to expand on that statement specifically. In the meantime, I'll keep you  informed.  Follow along if you're curious.

Why must I rehash lessons?

Ok, so here's a pattern I've recently discerned in my life. Get bored, go on match.com, start dating a very nice guy, watch my own life fall apart, get stressed, end up breaking off the relationship, hurt nice guy, go back to my solitary existence and re-focus and suddenly feel great. (except for the guilt where the guy is concerned).

I've been on this merry-go-round since I was ohhh.... 17? 3 marriages (except the last, that was totally his fault and yes he does know it.) a couple engagements, and then recently some near relationships. 3 to be exact in the last year.

And at the beginning of each was a gut feeling that this was a bad idea. Not because the guys weren't great, they were and ARE! but because I'm not. I'm fickle. and moody. and really quite awful at multitasking and with my life I have enough on my plate yet nothing I can bring to the table for someone else.

So again. I'm taking a vow. I'm friend-zoning the whole male population. all y'all. Yes even Billie Joe Armstrong... friendzoned. For 365 days or until I'm out of debt (I'm 100% sure I can't get out of debt in 365 days.) I will not d.a.t.e.

Neither will I 'hookup' (which I haven't done since my 20's anyway), or go out surfin' dudes. I won't wallow. I won't begrudge. I won't envy.

I will maintain my friendships. I will take care with the feelings of others.

I can't fathom what it is in me that makes me so able and willing to hurt people!

It makes me wonder if that one time not even a year ago, when I had MY heart shattered, if he'd have stuck around would it have just been a couple weeks before I was ready to put him on a shelf too?

Maybe these are things I can work through over the next year. Or maybe I WONT revisit this question at all for at least a year. Instead I'll focus on what I'm supposed to be focused on, my debt, my kids, my home, my job, my church, my writing, my friends, my volunteer work.

I'd say I have plenty to keep me occupied.

Prep and Circumstance

I'm getting ready for that most dreaded of events to help one financially.... A yard sale!!

It's a daunting task. I have my items to go and mom's items. But the money has to stay separate. My money to my debts, her money to her bills. My back is against the wall on both.

It's 2 weeks away... and there is so much to go through... for both of us!!

In the meantime, I'll just hang on until Thursday when I get paid and keep tackling the mountain.

Yesterday I spent
$5.00 to the offering plate
$10.01 to the gas tank.

strides

I've been doing very well about watching what I spend. I went to the grocery store today and only spent 27 bucks and most of that was on snacks I had to provide for a fellowship group I lead at church.

I've come to the conclusion as well that I don't have to make enough to support my lifestyle, my lifestyle can be modified to fit what I make.

For me, and my pride and ego, this is a huge stride.

It's a good start!

Sometimes a trip to church is just what I need to clear things up.

I’ve been fighting life something fierce over the last few months and trying to forge out on my own over and over again. With increasing frustration and hardship spiraling into destructive behavior, a bad attitude, and finally into depression.  And I wallowed in it. I used these emotions as excuses for more complaining and less action.

I’ve been overwhelmed and distracted and I needed to be neither. What I needed was prayer yes, but better yet.. I needed to slow down and listen. I needed my eyes opened to the answers that are right in front of me.

These things became glaringly clear this morning:

I’m not connected enough with my spiritual relationship with God

I’m being nudged into a different job

I’m in the wrong relationship

 Those are the three biggies. Now what actions I take to rectify these I will stick close to my Lord about and step gingerly but deliberately in a positive direction.

The three things that were shown me this morning also created in me some new feelings

My life can be amazing!

I DO have worth.

The opinions of those for whom I have little respect shouldn’t bother me so much.

I have unused talent.

Was this weekend a bottom? Yup. For me it was. And I don’t need to go any further down in order to impress anyone with how far I can fall. That’s an odd statement, but if you’ve ever been around recovering alcoholics you’d soon understand what I mean. So this was far enough.

God has given me enough direction. The destructive behavior urges are even gone this morning. I know where I was when my life was working and I know I can get back there pretty easily. Not without work, but without so much STRUGGLE!

And I feel light and refreshed and on the verge of happy tears J I can talk to my dad and not be full of down news and sadness, which will keep his mind eased. I can go see mom and enjoy spending more than 20 minutes with her. I can enjoy hearing about my girls and be prepared to help them weather any crisis that may come their way.

In essence, I can get back to being me and not something superimposed as me. I can be more authentically the me God hopes I’ll be. And intends me to be.

That was, obviously Sunday, and today, Wednesday has not changed my enthusiasm for the epiphanies of the weekend. In fact, the challenges have continued and my ego is getting totally bashed but during the pain of this I have been given even more insight! I can get past what ever may happen.

By that I mean that I am NOT afraid to change my lifestyle and my pride has sloughed away like bad, dead skin. I’m not worried about how my ex-boyfriend will see me and laugh at my failure, I’m not worried how my peers will see me and gloat over my ‘reduced status’. I hope there are people that will ask me how I got the courage to make such a bold stance to uphold my beliefs. To which I can easily report, through my faith.

I love my house, but I can love anywhere I live. I love my cats, but I can find them homes where they are still loved and cared for (well, most of them), I love my van, but I own outright a good Blazer. I love my garage, but there are ways to cope with winter. I love my things, but I love the people in my life more. These are JUST things. They hold no real meaning. Not even my beloved books. Because guess what, the library has those. And then some.

And to those who think I’m crazy to risk losing my home I say that NO ONE can take my home because my home is with my family and my friends and they will be with me no matter where I go or where I live.

My life isn’t defined by who envies me. My life isn’t about how much I make.  I don’t need to earn enough to support my lifestyle, I’m unafraid to make my lifestyle fit what I earn. Bare minimum if needs be.

With the quality of people I have in my life I will still feel absolutely rich beyond my wildest dreams. 

Focus

Moved my girls to college today. Both girls, same day, different schools. About an hour apart. It worked out ok.

But on the financial front it was a killer.

And on all the bills and statements, my parent plus loans aren't showing up. We sorta kinda need those or we have outstanding bills on a couple grand a piece.

These are the types of things that I haven't had (and by had I mean taken) the time to try to figure out.

Well, that leaf has turned and it's time to focus on what needs done.

Straighten out the loans.
Straighten out mom's finances. (which apparently I've managed to mess up because it seems to be what I do lately).
Straighten out my finances - probably by getting a second job.

My life if a living testament to why I want my girls in school pursuing good careers and why I've tried to keep them from being too much into the party scene and not too terribly boy crazy. I hope they've been paying attention and are ready to focus too.

Hit and Miss

As sporadic as this blog has been, I've not forgotten it! And now that life is so full of changes, I thought here would be a great place to chronicle some happenings and vent some emotion...

Since my last post:
Oldest Angel finished her first year of college

Youngest Angel graduated from high school

I had to put my mom in a care facility for Alzheimers patients

I have mom's house on the market and a hoarders stash now takes up my whole 2 1/2 car garage

And child support stopped making me realize that I'm in a world of financial hurt...

And it's this last one I would like to blog about more often.

I'm going to work on getting 100% out of debt. 100%
That means credit card
That means cars
That means student loans for my kids
That means home equity loans
That means mortgage

I'm also looking for a different job. In a different city.

And I"m dating.

All of which I find daunting and stressful. Yes. All.

And I'm flirting with being a tad bit depressed over the whole thing...
I've been keeping better tabs on my spending and it honestly seems like the more I watch and try to control, the worse and more out of control it gets... how is that?

Both my girls are in college now...which isn't cheap... and they both move into the dorms this Sunday. So this Monday is the kick-off to financial control.

So just HOW much debt do I have?
I'll tackle that question in my next post.

Making a House smell like Home for the Holidays

All it takes is a bowl full of baking ingredients, an oven, and a love of family time!

From the Joy Of Cooking

GINGER SNAPS 

3/4 cup butter

2 cups sugar

2 well beaten eggs

1/2 cup molasses

2 teaspoons vinegar

3 3/4 cup all purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

2-3 teaspoons ginger

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon 

1/4 teaspoon cloves

Preheat oven to 325

Cream butter and sugar together

Stir in eggs, molasses and vinegar

sift and add in increments flour, soda, and spices

mix ingredients until blended.

Form dough into 3/4 to 1" balls. Bake on greased (if not non-stick) cookie sheet about 12 minutes.

Dust with powdered or plain sugar.

Seal in baggies or plasticware to keep them soft-chew soft!!

The wheels of home improvement sometimes turn slowly...and sometimes very very slowly. :) Since the floor I have added a couple little pieces to the home, but have done nothing on my major list.

Unless you count my war against the indoor bats. I'm against bats in the house. Just sayin.

I did however find some inexpensive but attractive curtains an tieback hooks for my living room. I think it cozied it up...what do you think?

 BEFORE:

  

AFTER:

AND, I found this adorable lil topiaries at Goodwill for $1 each. I was actually looking for topiaries to go here too! Love it when a plan comes together :)

A little improvement

So the restoration has begun... I love my grand lady but there are a few (hundred) things I have plans to do to help her be her grandest self.

One was finished today...I'm still in sticker shock, but I'm so very happy with it.

From taped down blue carpet (I can't find my before photos dang it) to:


drum roll please.....

TA DA!!

A new floor!! :)

I love it! I hope it lasts 4 times longer than carpet.

I broke a cardinal rule though, I didn't get the room painted before the floor went in. I know, I know!! But when I get to that I will tape like crazy and double drop cloth it.

Hmmmm wonder what I should do next????? 

Choices include
stripping wallpaper - in the kitchen and upstairs bedroom
redoing the downstairs bath and putting a shower
kitchen - I could paint the cabinets just to get by for awhile
paint everything!!
windows
landscaping
attic sealing - and evicting the bats - ewww
etc, etc

what do you think??

oh and I'm hosting a graduation party here May 26th I better get ready for!!

Re-introducing home sweet home

I sold my house and bought this one last fall. I moved in the first of December. So far I have hosted two large get-togethers and a couple girls night ins.

And I have begun to make lists of things I'd like to do it.

For the most part moving into this house has been like slipping into your favorite pair of jeans.

My pet project will be getting my library done. This is a good interiem look, and stores my books well, but eventually I want floor to ceiling built in bookshelves with a window seat. Even more fun would be if I could learn how to do this myself.

I'm becoming very happy with my dining room. I added the table and chairs for $100 off of craigslist, I still won't tell how cheaply I picked up the china hutch (but it was cheap!! ) and get this.... I traded some college text books back to Amazon and they put the value onto a gift card, I then used the gift card to purchase the rug. The price on the rug was amazing!! 120 bucks for a brand new, good quality, 7x10. Seriously!

I still need to pick out paint for in here I'm thinking just a rich deeper-than-sage dusty green.

So thats the first peek...here are a few more shots of fun times making new home memories....

Added an oak fireplace to the living room. Love having the TV on this rather than just an entertainment piece.

Two Christmas trees this year and candles in every window. I've never felt so cozy!!

I also have a huge project to do remodeling the kitchen. the powder room... upstairs windows.. my daughter's bedroom...ah and on and on.

I think I'll talk about the kitchen next post. And hopefully I can find my camera again (haven't seen it since the move) and wont have to post cell phone photos! ;)

Moving Again

I sold my little house

and I bought a different house

And we get to move in next month on the 2nd! YAY!

Please hope with me that it doesn't snow, sleet, or ice!!

more changes

Round 3 of Oldest Angels chemo treatment is almost done. We may get to go home tomorrow, if not then only a couple of days at the most.

Then we will have only one more round and she will be done. And hopefully we will never ever every have to deal with a relapse.

The trade of the houses has failed. My mom is miserable and desperately wants her house back. She hates my house with every fiber of her being. And she is very upset if I move anything or do anything at her house. So not a good situation all the way around.

So I opted to put my house back on the market and find something suitable. And on my first look I did. Which also scares me because now I have to get my small house sold fast enough to be able to buy the next one.

Monday ought to bring some interesting changes if I get to meet with my realtor.

Oldest Angel will be home for a week at least, hopefully at most, then back here to the hospital for another 5 or 6 weeks. She may get to come home for good to a home she knows nothing about! Wouldn't that be odd?

Finally, something normal to post about

Brittany has been home for 3 weeks now waiting for her counts to come up before round 3 of chemo. So this Saturday and Sunday I devoted to doing a little 'junking'. 

What I ended up with certainly wasn't junk though... it will be hard to EVER beat this weekend!

On Saturday I focused on yard sales and second hand stores - usually for books
(For more on my book obsession see my book blog Bunny Tales at:  www.theshabbyrabbit.blogspot.com )

The nice little green bankers lamp back there I got for $5.00. I had been looking for one of those. All in all the books laid out, one that I forgot to photograph, and the lamp totaled $8.00

Then Sunday there was an auction in town. And I hit the jackpot. I've been searching for a hutch. I knew exactly the hutch I wanted, which usually is a sure fire way to make sure it's the hutch I'll never find. But lo and behold. There it was. Then I was sure I would get outbid. However, apparently, no one else really wanted a hutch. I'll never tell what I paid. But it was criminal.

Once I got the room re-arranged for it I was so happy I literally almost cried!!! To me this is perfection. I try not to be a 'things' type of person, but the things in my dining room make me feel so happy!

Sorry about the low quality photos. It was after 9 when I took these and I did it with my cell phone. 

I hope your weekend was equally enjoyable!
L

Prom day!

http://www.kcrg.com/news/local/Leukemia-Cant-Keep-Eastern-Iowa-Girl-From-Prom-121418644.html

She was on the news :)


Here are some photos too:

Trying out a new look

I think it's a good look! She can totally pull off being blond!

The Hospital is throwing her a Prom today since she can't really go to her real prom. This will be awesome and so much fun!

Happy Easter

Even amid my trials, a bunny can't let Easter go by without celebrating the hope and promise of the risen Lord!

Making a house a home...briefly

So we are still trying to get settled in to our new house after trading with my mom and then having life interrupted by leukemia. Things are slowly coming together.

With the help of the city wide garage sales last weekend I made progress on my living room and entry with a pair of area rugs.

Forgive the picture. I took it this morning from the stairs. I still have before and after pics to post as well one of these days.

Still on the look out for a few pieces. And there are still some nice pieces that will go to mom's when she figures out where she wants them like the amazing desk in the upper corner.

It's a cozy room that makes me happy.

I'll look forward to working on it on our next break from chemo in 4 weeks.

Beej goes back in Wednesday for the 2nd round of chemo. So the commuting begins again.

'til another day's folly.
L

Home on a little break

So my Oldest Angel has done good through her first round of Chemo and last Tuesday the dr's said she could go home for a week before starting round 2 of 4 that she will have to take. Each round keeps her in the hospital for about 4 weeks and does have some pretty dark days.

Although I've dropped the dedication to taking a picture a day this year, I do have a couple that show how things have gone for her.

In this picture she had had her hair cut short so when it starts to fall out it wont seem as daunting.

PLUS, she got the worst eye-lid reaction they had ever seen, opthamology is actually going to do a journal paper on her so you budding opthamologists out there...watch your favorite research journal for these eyes!


 Then when the eyes started to get better, the hair went. Which turned out to not be a big deal

 

And her boyfriend Jonathan is super supportive too. :) Beej is at University of Iowa Children's Hospital on the  University of Iowa campus and it just so happens that Jonathan is an Engineering student at Iowa and lives in a dorm we can see from the hospital. Plus there is a free bus that takes him back and forth when he's free to come visit.

Soon this will all be over and all behind us and she will be healthy and happy again. She has so much to offer and so much to accomplish. I can't wait to see what wonderful things her life will have in store for her.

And with the wonderful help and support of everyone at University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics; Iowa Children's Hospital, I know this will be!
 Every Doctor is fantastic and asks good questions and listens and answers all our questions, the nurses know their stuff and treat you so good! Every staff member is friendly and know you are in a stressful time and environment and they all do every thing they can to make it not as stressful in so many little ways.

The people at ChildLife are a blessing to us as they keep her engaged in doing something with other kids, her age when possible and they make sure some of her 'teen needs' are seen to as well.

I don't know what I'd do if we would have tried to deal with this anywhere else. I am and always will be an Iowa (hospital) Hawkeye!!

Day 6

Bone marrow said the her leukemia is AML Leukemia which means full inpatient treatment. She will be here for at least 4 weeks probably 5.

We started Chemo therapy right away last Wednesday.

Today is Sunday and we are having some visitors and a friend and coworker of mine is coming to take some pics while we all look like we're used to. But they gave Beej some benadryl and in hospital amounts so she will be sleepy and groggy. Sort of like if you tried to wake someone up who's been on nyquil for a couple of hours. I hope we can get a shot or two despite the fact that I need my roots done so bad!! They are 2 fingers wide now! Hope photoshop can fix that!

She is on her 2nd transfusion at the moment which sounds scary but actually helps her feel so much better.

There are several rounds of chemo she will have to go through to clear the disease and go into permanent remission. She will get to go home for a week or two in between but will be here for the most part for 5 months. I will go back and forth and do the best I can to still make a living.

I have such a strong church family that I know we will certainly always eat :) and I will have all the moral support I need as well as rides anywhere I need to go.

It will be such a long spring and summer. Please keep us in your prayers!